i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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