I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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