Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
