Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
