so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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