youre lurking in front of me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My life is pants optional.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
