i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
