FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
