if only i could text you this smell
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
