wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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