Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
