She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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