what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
