I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
