How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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