You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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