He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
