dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
