i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize