So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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