his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
