Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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