Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
