I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
ttyl tear gas
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
