K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
