my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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