i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
