Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
