Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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