we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just forgot I was standing up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
