It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
