My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
