Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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