i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
