The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
