Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
