she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
