Can i not drive my cunt home
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
