There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
