I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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