Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
