My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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