I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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