She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
