I want to have your abortion
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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