Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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