dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
