Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
