I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we're making bets on your personal life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
