Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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