Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
