you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
