i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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