If i come over, it means nothing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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