The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
