I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
