Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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