i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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