I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The Olympian is in my bed
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