I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
