As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize