please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
