You're my little dorito
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
