Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
