Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
