Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize