I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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