You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
