Acid is not a monday night drug
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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