I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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