Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
