Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
