Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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