They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
