Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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