I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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