Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
