Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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