grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm always down for nudity.
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