She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
