I am puke
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
