You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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