How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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