Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's never too late to be topless.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize