Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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