Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't make out with my wife yet
one two three fourrrrnication!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
