Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
