guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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