I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Shame - the story of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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