I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
