One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
