Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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