When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
