Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
