I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize