i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
